I have a confession to make....20 confessions actually

Fetched from newdurhamchapel.org

If there is sin your life confess that
you are the righteousness of God.

If there is lack in your life confess that
your Father in heaven owns cattle on a thousand hills.

If there is pain in your life confess that
by His stripes you are healed.

If you are broken hearted confess that
God is close to the broken hearted.

In your loneliness confess that
the Holy Spirit is the Great comforter.

In the face of your enemies confess that
God has given you authority to step on all snakes and scorpions.

When battling with offense confess
the commandment of loving one another as we love ourselves.

If there is predicament in your life confess that
that which pleases God shall take delight in your heart.

In sadness confess that
you shall rejoice in the Lord always.

When forsaken confess that
He will never leave you or forsake you.

When friends fail you confess that
Jesus is the friend that sticks closer than a brother.

When you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel confess that
we walk not by sight but by faith.

If you are worried confess that
your business is to seek first His kingdom and its righteousness and the rest shall be added unto you.

If there is a storm in your life confess your
confidence in what the Lord has said about you.

In condemnation confess that
the Lord has forgiven and will never count your sins against you.

As you figure out an identity for yourself, above all else confess that
you are an heir of God, a coheir with Christ.

When there is temptation in your life confess that
no temptation is too great for you no to overcome.

If you do not understand the occurrence of the events in your life confess that
it does not depend on man’s effort, but in God’s mercy.

When there is delay in your life confess the promise that
His Word upon your life will not return to Him empty.

If there is trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or danger or swords confess that
you are more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus.

Fetched from womenonthefense.com

Romans 8:28-30

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.

Shift focus from the problem to the problem solver: Christ, to uncover the blessing behind every problem. In Him and through Him make these confessions. 

I'm still thinking of a title....

It’s that time of the year where everyone goes up and about celebrating Christmas when in real sense some are missing out on the sweet fragrance of a gift that was given to us on a manger: Jesus.

I am a woman who has lived in this sweet fragrance and I so well understand why it had to be a manger.

That aside...

This year, to me, cannot be said to be the most astounding, it cannot be said to be the worst I could have. It cannot even be called a normal year when describing it with extremes is not an option.

This is the year that I have seen the reflection of my character and integrity as I looked into the waters of life. I somehow did not like the reflection because I was and maybe still am petrified, maybe perturbed, maybe proud by what I see all at the same time.

Photo courtesy of Wapidi

I have seen my joys restored just to be robbed again.

I have gained innocence just to lose it again.

I have made friends just to find out that they are not any different from those whose chapters I should have closed whiles ago.

I have made mistakes.

I have lost track as I pressed towards the mark.

I have curled up in my bed and wished that there was someone, someone to cuddle me through the night knowing too well that I still don’t have that ring on my finger.

You see the reading of this piece might make you imagine that this is an intention to do an exposé of my imperfection…..not at all…

I may not classify this year with the titles that many may have in mind because words only seem to meet the reality of my year halfway.

Photo courtesy of desingsold.com

Though I must admit that this year has been a blessing in the most profound ways.

I have known joy in 2014.

I have known peace in 2014.

I have known love in 2014.

I have known forgiveness in 2014.

I have known faith in 2014.

Many prayed and still praying for full packages of restoration but, in 2014, I have basked in double portions of it ever since The day I stopped being super woman

Photo courtesy of Wapidi

I don’t write this to impress the guy in the crowd looking for an eligible proverbial wife.

I don’t write this to appease those who believe their interest must be earned.

Neither do I write this to place myself among the list of bloggers in 2014.

I write this to remind myself and anyone else who has known 2014, anyone who has lived to see this day, this auspicious day that we get to celebrate life, that we NO LONGER hope to live to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Because with each day that has been allocated to us His unfailing grace, we have lived in this goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

(Psalms 27:13)

This is not a platform to show off expertise or the lack of it…..if you are reading this then it's a sign that there’s a reason to give thanks for seasons that have been and there are even more reasons to look forward to a life that proclaims “BE IT UNTO ME ACCORDING TO YOUR WORD AND WILL OH LORD”.

Photo courtesy of QuotesFrenzy.com

And now as I get back to the point I was trying to drive home initially, Christmas is here, and so am I. Let’s celebrate Christ's birthday in the best way we know how, all for His glory!

Photo courtesy of hubpages.com 

Hehe....ok maybe you shouldn't take 'happiness for a month' seriously.... :) 

Psss.....Laugh as much as you breath and love as long as you live! Get involved with service opportunities and offer what you can to a greater cause. 

(I'm happy I wrote this)

Blissfully walk into the grave

Talk is cheap!

It is our actions that eventually create the cannon of our integrity and credibility before man; our motives before God.

(photo by Caroline Mugure)
As a favorite motivational speaker  Les Brown once said,

“The graveyard is the richest place on earth, because it is here that you will find all the hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled, the books that were never written, the songs that were never sung, the inventions that were never shared, the cures that were never discovered, all because someone was too afraid to take that first step, keep with the problem, or determined to carry our their dream.”

Ideas that were confessed!

Promises that were made!

Sweet nothings, or somethings, that were used to lure a woman to bed and a man to the bank.

False hopes created by politicians when they wanted the votes won over.

Sermons by preachers!

Instructions by elders!

Business deals on paper!

All these were made in either the haste of the moment or in the calculation of time just to achieve a desired goal that was intended for the "long-term good". But for as long as these words did not meet the reality of actions then off to the grave they crept six feet under.

Let’s talk about the great names we still celebrate. I dare mention Maya Angelou since the sting of her death is still very fresh on me. President Barack Obama issued a statement about Angelou, calling her "a brilliant writer, a fierce friend, and a truly phenomenal woman." Angelou "had the ability to remind us that we are all God's children; that we all have something to offer," he wrote.(Fetched from http://www.biography.com/people/maya-angelou-9185388#personal-life&awesm=~oGdMVLq9GaTG0Z)

Her name lives beyond the grave because her actions met the sensitivity of her words. That somehow sweet realization. Because in some way, oil and water mixed to bring about the greatness that which not even history can help but let it transcend through generations. It is unusual in a way that is very impressive, simply phenomenal.

It is not intelligent to talk about our level of trust in God yet to fail to trust the convictions He has placed in our hearts. Take action!

It is not intelligent at all to speak so highly of the love you are willing to offer your beloved woman when obeying God is still an issue. Take action!

Matter of fact the deepest sense of lack in intelligence is making a public declaration of how you are willing to submit to your husband when submitting to God is still an issue. Take action!

If you know your worth as the legitimate child of God you’d know it is not intelligent to speak of the past as being better because now more than ever you are informed of what the future holds for you. Take action!

There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1) so, get me right, this is no condemnation post.

We are all a work in progress here, and we have somehow come this far because of God’s grace that continues to be sufficient for us. Just as the sun sets and at its dawn gives rise to the joy of the morning, we can be sure that we will regularly fall and rise along the shores of life, by fault or circumstance. But through the rhythms of grace we find the voice to give thanks in all circumstances.

We all desire to make sense of our dreams and convictions someday. To somehow break away from the mind and paper into a sweet reality. To actually take a last breath with the satisfaction that can allow us to blissfully walk into the grave because we are empty of that which God deposited in us. Having fulfilled our purpose in the days of breath.

But then again, if tomorrow never comes, let’s make today count by taking steps closer to our dreams and celebrating the undeniable fact as a legitimate child of God, that He still loves us the same.

And as I pay my respect to a woman I regard with deep, often rapturous love, here is ‘Still I Rise’ by Maya Angelou:

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may tread me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise. 

Take action, rise again!

Cheers, Binti Cheptoo.

Today we change our language

Today we change our language

It’s in the times I sit down for a class every Tuesday morning that I deliberately listen to the keys and notes from a distance. The guy in the music room never disappoints…and if only I could meet him, even if for a moment in time.

It is in these times that I hear him play in all keenness. I even sense that he is playing it just for me. I promise he is playing it just for me. How else can I explain how he captures my every attention? How he strides me along every touch on those keys…how he drives me to a musical world clothed in a cloud of beautiful rhythms.

Sigh...

 

And today, the clouds of beautiful rhythms tell me that we need to change our language. It first came in a blurry form, bursts of bubbles blown by the winds… then slowly, boldly, in a more solid manner, skimmed through the sky with each acclaiming “TODAY WE CHANGE OUR LANGUAGE”.

The language that applauses the fact that we shouldn’t be judged, to that which already understands that the Bible first judged us with the words
"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" 

Romans 3:23

 

The language that approves of flirtatious statements towards anyone that goes by the title “opposite sex” (exclusive of spouses), to that which abides by the verse that says:

"If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God..."

1 Peter 4:11

 

The language that says we should go to where we are celebrated and not where we are tolerated to that language of Christ that understands that to be a Christian is to strategically position yourself to suffering, to carrying the cross and taking it up for each minute that we have breath.

Matthew 16:24
Then Jesus said to his disciples, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.
Acts 14:22 

Strengthening the disciples and encouraging them to remain true to the faith. "We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God," they said.
 

The language that understands that there has to be weakness for God to show Himself strong.

The language that understands that there has to brokenness for God to be called Rapha.

The language that understands that we have to let go in order to let God. That the Bible is very categorical. It is where God had, has and shall continue to make sense of His words when He promised His grace will be sufficient.

We stand because He stands, not because we can.

We move because He moves, not because we can.

My language has changed!

It is no longer a language of feelings but a language of deliberate momentum.

A deliberate momentum of prayer, fasting and reading of His Word. Sharing it because I so well know that MY FEELINGS ARE TOO WEAK A MASTER. BEING LED BY THEM NULLIFIES THE NEED TO TRUST AND BE DEPENDENT ON GOD ALONE.

I change my language with a deliberate momentum when I say my nation shall stand and not fail! When I say the family shall stand and not fail! Christian institutions shall stand and not fail! It is the end of times but the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living still stands as strong as ever.

My language has changed when I say:

There is hope for the lost child.

There is comfort for the broken hearted.

There is peace for despair.

There is healing for the sick.

There is joy for sadness.

There is forgiveness for the fallen.

There is beauty for ashes.

There is gladness for mourning.

ALL BECAUSE GOD SAYS SO!

I DO NOT MOVE WITH THE WAVES OF THIS WORLD.

I do no move with the direction of the new age; get me right, I AM VERY MUCH OLD SCHOOL!

I will abide by the scripture of the old, that which was inspired from God to man because that language says that He remains the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. That language says that He is the author of time, and that book of time that He has authored is a book I have come to joyfully subscribe to.

When all is said and done, time and chance is given to everyone (Ecclesiastes 9:11).

And for that reason I have no apologies for those with whom we do not speak the same language.

Today, this very day, we change our language.

Cheptoo.

Pain is a strange teacher.

Pain is a strange teacher. It transcends and makes you understand people who have gone through the same.

I am patterned by the pain in my life because it has done more to me through my struggles than success has. My struggles have been the pathway to my success. I can boldly say that our preaching has to be counseled by failure for us to be able to deliver and minister effectively. Just because you took some book and went through some psychology class does not mean you are ready to understand my struggle. I do not say this to nullify those that offer counseling psychology, I am a Psychology student myself, but I say this because unless you have worn my kind of shoe, you wouldn’t know where it hurts. Tell me, what do you when you feel you do not have the time to do things all over again? What do you do when those you love walk away from you and even if you have tried to make things work it has proven to be irreversible? I besiege you friend, when people can walk away from you, let them go! Because your destiny is not tied to those who left! I have the kind of faith that strongly believes that nothing just happens. Matter of fact I hate to think, I hate to think that anything just happens.

And in that moment when I was at a crossroads, when I was in the pain of being who I am, of not knowing what I want, I know of only one thing I wanted: Count my blessings and name them one by one. I do not want to measure myself with the things that only went right, because God balanced me with the things that went wrong. I am alive! I am still in God’s will…be it perfect or permissive, I am still under His will. I can see, hear, taste, touch and smell. I am a woman. I can feel love and hate. I can laugh and cry. I have been forgiven and covered from my iniquities. I can celebrate and tolerate. For each day I can account for what God has done. I can serve God at whatever capacity, the noticeable and unnoticeable altogether, and He will still be glorified. For whatever God has predetermined to happen in my life will happen! He is in charge! He runs the universe! My mistakes, my troubles and pain were all still in His will. Every tear that I have shed in the past year, were still in His will. Nothing just happens, I trust that God is up to something.

Truth is successful people never like to admit that they do not have it altogether. But yes, I have not had it altogether in my past year. It has not been a walk in a bed of roses…drowning in the scent of sweet things…sipping wine…and eating chicken…not at all! But look at me! I wouldn’t have been a better woman. I have grown in the balance of joy and pain. My life on the pendulum of faith as I swing from one extreme to the other. Shifting from the friends that have come and the dear ones that have left. From the success that was and the failures the same. But still I stand! For all that has happened, nothing has risen above me! god would not allow the things that happened to happen if He had not given me the grace for it! I have sufficient grace for every moment of my life, good or bad! Because nothing, nothing, nothing just happens!

Inspired by the preaching of T.D. Jakes. The father, brother and friend I never had.

The drying tears of a soiled woman.

The drying tears of a soiled woman.

“Therefore there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus”

Romans 8:1

Like every Friday night,

they congregated and cuddled in her room to ponder on anything(s) and nothing(s).

They went on and on, and with each utterance she felt more soiled. Matter of fact it felt as though they were trashing soil at her, but she is keen to mention that it was very unintentional of them.

She let her mind wander.

She cannot blame them for the undying desire they harbor. It is the innocent desire of those who have not trailed this path.

The virgin women.

But then, who speaks out for those without a voice?

Who speaks out for the soiled woman in the church?

Who leaves his arms open to this woman who needs constant assurance of her place in the church?

Who understands that what happened to her is not as important as how it affects her now?

Still, she listens to them.

She listens to their a little far-fetched fantasy,

 and, with a smile she silently wishes them portions of the same intensity of fantasy and more, just to quench their ignorant virgin bodies after they walk down the aisle.

But then, once again, like a dose of bitter herbs,

her encounters rewind in her mind. Her tears begin to flow on the cheeks once pampered. She cries because her tears somehow off lift the burden gravitated in her heart.

These are the tears of many. These are the tears of a whole crowd of those women who smile their days and cry their nights. Tears of the soiled women.  Tears of the abused. Tears of the broken hearted. Tears of the judged. Tears of the accused, of the forsaken. Tears of loneliness and aloneness. Tears that only Christ can take away. Tears of the soiled women in the church…they were her tears, but somehow, the flow of the flood of them told her she was crying for multitudes of women outside this dim lit room, outside that mahogany door.

She opens the pages of her Bible.

To seek something she did not even know. To seek a voice she could not even identify. She just wanted something, anything that would trigger transformation. That would comfort the formation of the woman in her.

She was never forced to sleep with any of those men. It was never a case of abuse. All she did, she did consciously and willingly. She was never a victim. She actively participated. She acted on the naivety she carried and the lustful thoughts birthed from lustful content. It is not pity she needed. Neither was it false acclaimed understanding. She just needed another experience with a supreme being. She needed another experience with her creator. She needed to know, from Him, that when all emotional hell breaks loose, she can still stand.

That when all is said and done, when men take advantage of her vulnerability, when condemnation strings her sleeves, she needed to know of a God that remains long after. Long after the men rumble her heart. Long after victimization. Long after she wipes her tears. All she needed to know is that as she falls and rises, there’s a God who can be trusted. A God that remains the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

And she interacted with this God on the pages of the Bible,

 As she met this God, this God who is the Word, who is with the Word, who was there from the beginning, her illumination becomes evident, but the girls in this room don’t seem to notice.

She stood up…walked to her bedroom window and drew the curtains. She watched the raindrops trickle. Each of them seemed to silently signify that the gravity of her freedom had to felt by all that it touched. It was a beautiful feeling, this feeling of freedom. It was a quenching drop, this drop of rain. The ambiance of the moment was indescribable.

She wanted to converse with this God.

His goodness was just unfathomable!

She wanted to ask Him…

To ask Him how He can reach out to her imperfect being and love her still.

To ask Him how He can breathe grace into her soiled womanhood and call her pure.

To ask Him how He can allow her to shine in her generation despite of her failed past.

To ask Him how He can still call her His ‘child’ or ‘princess’ or ‘precious’ even at the bottom of her pit of sin.

She loved this God!

Because He has remained the same when everything is changing.

He has remained the same when people keep changing.

He has remained the same even when she herself changes from time to time.

He has been the God of yesterday, The God of Today and The God of Tomorrow.

And none can compare!

Not even the beauty of the raindrops on her bedroom window in this calm night.

and as she smiled again, those were the drying tears of a soiled woman.

Cheptoo.J. 

Note from me: It is not always that the woman on the pulpit will have her life all figured out. It is not always that past pain will not recur. We too, need the constant still voice that whispers "It is well, I remain the same yesterday, today and tomorrow, I remain constant in changing times." 

With love.