Having a "sponsor" or not is an entitled choice for a lady to make

“Sponsor” talks are making rounds on social media like a blazing Australian forest fire!!

Most folks are busy siring opinions on what’s right and what’s wrong: On what’s the moral. And a good percentage of that gang want their opinion to receive the seal of “the most right opinion of the discussion”.

I hear them! I even see them! I mostly see how they are quick to judge these women for sinning differently from them…smh!

I didn’t want to react….buuuuuuuttttttttt, who am I to resist??

So here I am, I’ll share my two cents…

As humans we were given the ability to choose whatever we want to do with our lives. 1 Corinthians 10:23 says that “Everything is allowable, but not everything is profitable. Everything is allowable, but everything does not build others up.” Our choices, independent of what has influenced them, are entirely ours to make. Independent of who gets affected, for as long as it is in line with the law of the land in which you call yourself a citizen, it is for us to decide what works for us. KEEPING IN MIND THAT NOT EVERYTHING IS EVENTUALLY PROFITABLE, and therefore this means that we eventually have to live with the consequences of our choices. 

If one chooses to have a sponsor, by all means they should do it big and thrive while at it.

If one chooses to remain celibate, let nothing hold them back.

If being gay is your most desired sexual preference, then by all means seek thee he or she that has the same interest and enjoy the boat ride.

Whichever way we choose to please ourselves sexually, for as long as the LAW OF THE LAND PERMITS, and the FAITH YOU SUBSCRIBE TO ALLOWS IT, then let not the voices of anyone outside your system stop you.

Most of us want those existing in the earth’s ecosystem to do as our core believes would have us do. We want other people to behave as our conscience, preference, and even choices would have us do.

But really, they are entitled to the same freewill given unto us. We speak against other people trying to impose their faith and beliefs on us, especially us Christians, but we’re in most cases the first to impose what we think is right on others. WHY DON’T WE LEAD BY LIVING CHRIST-LIKE LIVES THROUGH OUR ACTIONS BEFORE MAKING OUR OPINIONS ON OTHER PEOPLE’S CHOICES?

It is not a lack of love, to allow people, even those closest to us, to do as they please. It is actually the greatest sense of love to accept them as they are. We should instead caution them on the consequences of their actions, aggressively share why they should choose otherwise (according to our sense of wisdom), preach to them what we believe is the TRUTH, BUT STILL ACCEPT THEM AS THEY ARE.

What is defined as the lack of love is to do nothing about their choices. SILENCE IS HATRED!

Not being silent however does not translate to condemnation. Condemnation has never been the way to reverse another person’s choices.

Photo courtesy of google.com

So, if a lady chooses to have a sponsor, if you know her and don’t agree with her choices, and YOU’RE TRUE TO THEM (leave alone these social media humans filled with self-righteousness and bile over what does not suit their beliefs), then with love strongly caution them on why they shouldn’t pursue that path.

What I should add though is that we live in a world where one man’s meat is another’s poison.

Just as you’re ready to caution, be ready to get cautioned over your own choices; even those you believe in strongest!  

My conversation with a Cancer Survivor

Recently, a good friend from campus saw it fit to nominate me for a cancer awareness selfie challenge for 10 days. I was not particularly consistent because, oh well, one can’t afford to be online 7 days a week consecutively….I mean, Uhuru said we need to build the nation!

Anyway, while at it, Lynn Mutakale, a very heartwarming go-getter made a comment on one of my posts telling me about how she survived cancer.

Because the writer in me felt the need to capture that in writing, I had to engage her in a chit chat.

Her story is the story of a few women who were conscious enough to get themselves checked whenever they observed some discrepancies with their health. However, there are many (and maybe you are among them...or a girl you know is among them), who are not keen enough to note the changes or discomfort in our "Victoria's secret". We can prevent spending millions on medical bills, putting time into pay bills, or worse still watching our loved ones agonize in pain as we lie helpless on hospital beds. 

I besiege all of us therefore to take up the Cancer Awareness challenge and let your social network know that we can all beat cancer! 

This is how it went down….(Disclaimer: we did a lot of aimless laughing while at it...just because we can..hehe) 

The beautiful Lynn Mutakale

My conversation with a Cancer Survivor:

Me: heeeyyyyy

Lynn: Hey!!

Me: Will now be a bad time for you to share about your cancer victory??

Lynn: Hahaha not at all. How would you like to do this?

Me: Hehe....right here should be fine

Let’s chat up about it

Begin from anywhere (tongue emoticon)

Lynn: Hahaha okay let’s start with a disclaimer, I was found to have pre-cancerous cells in my cervix that put me at a high risk of cancer developing.

Me: Disclaimer noted...

Lynn: Secondly it has been about 3 months of medication and doctor visits but now I am clear of the cells, but still undergoing studies for evaluation.

So... I will redirect you to my blog. Read it first then from there I can answer more questions that you may have regarding the same is that okay??

Me: that's OK...please post the link here for me

Lynn: https://reneemutakale.wordpress.com/2016/04/18/my-battle/

There you go.

Me: great! Thanks! Will get back to you

(After a few mins...)

WWWWOOOWWW!!!

OK...lemme first comment as a writer, you can write madam Mutakale!!!! (The African instincts in you....haha)

That was a good read

Lynn: Hahaha I am humbled. Very humbled thank you

Me: Then now as a fan and audience, that was very inspiring!!!!

now mamas need to get that pap smear yo!!!

Lynn: Haha mafans!! Gosh Judy slow down. You will make this head grow big.

Me: hehheee.....

and then I got a mention in your blog....hehhee

I have made it in life!!! *happy dance*

anyway, what more would you like me to add as I write down as part of your story.....now that it's all written down ... hehehe

Lynn: Hahaha. Anything more you would like to add I am willing to give. I doubt I would miss a bit of royco or kachumbari to make it better.

Me: hehhe.....lemme just work with what you've given

Should I need more I already know where to find you J J

Lynn: Fantastic!

Chat Conversation End

About Long Distance Relationships

It begins with all bubbles.

Love messages

At that point one almost believes that all heaven was created for you.

I got drunk once and in that moment the world seemed like the heaven the pastor preached about the Sunday before: this is how a moment in love feels.

It’s all glamour until you have to escort your other human to the airport till next time.

The wahalas of a long distance relationship are a pain none can fathom.

Made worse by whether or not there’s a large water mass separating you because that only means that the time difference will strain the relationship further.

On some days you talk for a whole stretched 18 hours and on other days the conversation only stretches as far as ‘Good mornings’.

Life thrives with so much activity but it’s never ultimately fulfilling because your other human is not there to capture that memory with you.

And therefore you keep on with life……making plans, building a future around each other, updating each other on all the activities, moods, joys, pains, the sense, the nonsense, all the family drama, all the Davids and Delilahs that hover around like evil spirits out to devour the good children of God...hehe

Months pass….you try to visit each other’s families, attend each other's family events, because above and beyond the fact they are now part of your enlarging family, you also desire to feel the presence of your other human through them. Because somehow you can talk about your other human’s childhood, likes, dislikes, with people who have loved this other human before you even knew them.

Their friends visit the country and you know that deep down you want to meet them more than they want to meet you because through them, this other human feels closer.

You imagine that since they both were breathing the same air….that somehow there was an exchange of oxygen and carbon dioxide and that through the inhalation and exhalation a part of your other human was transported to you….(this shows a lot of desperation….lol)

Months pass, and your anniversary comes, you celebrate it with a phone call…maybe a Skype call.

Birthdays come, and you enjoy it but imagine how different it would have been if your other human was here to leap through this new year with you.

Anyway, what I am trying to say with many words is that long distance relationships can suck the marrow out of your bones…yet; they are the true test of love, trust and commitment. Though where there is love then trust and commitment should be engulfed in it.

I miss you my other human :) 

Musa, Judy, Omi at For You Chinese Restaurant on Valley Arcade, Nairobi  (Photo credits: MDK) 

Mama...

There are some people who make our lives so beautiful

Those that allow us the beauty of a smile, of comfort, and of joy unbound

There are those that despite the tides that blow our way still give us that silent reason to smile

There are those that hold us dear and even in the worst of situations we’d still want to keep them close

I imagine the above is what our mothers think of us.

That when they pray for us and our wayward, sinful natures, they only see the angel in us.

I’m yet to conceive and deliver a child, but for a good reason God is surrounding me with expectant and young mothers.

They come my way in strange ways.

Others scared because they didn’t expect a child so soon…others excited because against all odds they’ll get to experience the joy of motherhood.

It is a beautiful feeling, I imagine

To have a child kick in you, to have a young one born from your being.

It must be beautiful to experience the joy of motherhood.

My beloved mama 

I’m blessed to have a mother, to have a woman who has known me from conception to this very minute. Do we ever stop to think about how miraculous that is?

She’s held me at my best and at my worst.

When papa couldn’t clear my fees she’s the one that showed up at the finance office to ask for an allowance of time, that I may stay in school, as she does something about the situation.

When papa couldn’t understand my tears as I cramped every month, mama understood, she ensured I put something in my mouth even if I threw up every bit out.

When papa had to be away on ‘official duties’ mama acted like we too didn’t know why he was leaving, she was strong for us..

When papa broke her heart mama still stayed home because she wanted the men who’d come to ask for her daughters hand in marriage to find an intact family.

She loved so deeply, that on the day the man I loved the most broke my heart she allowed me to tell her a decent lie that I’m leaving for the prayer mountain to pray for the family but in real sense I was going to seek answers from God on why pain had to be so painful.

It is mothers that stand with us….mothers that know us…mothers that grow us.

Mama gave, she lacked so that her family had.

Mama stayed home alone, as we slowly moved on with our lives.

Now she calls us every day to remind us that she still cares.

There exists a group of mothers that are not mothers to their young ones; we forgive them.

There as well exists a group of mothers that have left us before their time; may their souls find rest.

There is a group of mothers who didn’t have to bear children to take up the role, by choice or circumstance they are now mothers; we celebrate them.

And then there are those who heaven has called into motherhood and to them nothing really matters most; we love them.

I know that as you read this you can picture that mother you’d like to celebrate. Dedicate this post to her and let her know that you’d appreciate her in a million ways but none would describe your gratitude best.

I dedicate this post to my mama, sisters (Janet Ngeno Minah Nasimiyu Wabuke) and to a best friend, a soon to be mother, I had lunch with today after being away from each other for about 7years. You give us all the reasons to celebrate motherhood.

Benches.....THEY ALL AIN'T LOYAL!

I’m just here to talk about my issue with benches. So if you don’t have a particular issue with benches gerarahiaaaa meeennn!!!! We are not friends....hehe

Photo credit photobucket.com 

I hit the side of the bench and I swear I almost screamed my appendix out as the pain infringed my sanctity.

Is this bench insane?? Yes it is insane….it has to be

Doesn’t it know that a woman is entitled to a perfectly good evening especially after spending a rough afternoon at the beauty parlor getting that pedicure for the first time in Lord knows how long?

Photo credit PinInterest

I don’t want this bench alive. And so if it was an insect I would have smashed it dead.

But it just lie there lifeless….emotionless…..in a most annoying manner.

So I pushed it aside….then I thought, it probably feels nothing.

Then I imagined what song would best suit it just in case it was alive and I killed it….probably Delilah’s version of “If I die young”

If I die young, burry me in sudden!

That song would just end right there, on that line, because the ‘bury me in sudden’ would be the only go ahead I would need.

Sigh…..that bench!

Long story short, I just left it there and consoled myself with the thought that lifelessness is enough of a curse for it. There’s nothing I could do to worsen its situation.

And that is how it is sometimes when we hurt people.

We at times feel nothing…we are just there like emotionless beings…feeling nothing….doing nothing…..in an almost annoying manner to those that we hurt.

They’d want us to feel something, anything, even if it’s joy so that they would know they can turn that joy into sadness….but we don’t feel nothing. Everyone needs at least something that they can start with you know.

I know countless of us who know how to put down the best lyrics when in hurt…..the best poems…the best scripts….and even the best vibes…the best updates and tweets...the best Insta pics....but it’s only the likes of Adele who can hit an “Hello” when they reflect on a past that would have been better.

But really though, how is one meant to feel when you are fully aware that your source of joy is someone else’s source of pain?

What is the much that you can do when you know that there isn’t much that you can do to ease the other person’s pain?

You know their pain, yet there isn’t room in your heart to accommodate it because all you have room for is your source of joy.

I’ve listened to a couple of friends share their pain. In a most heart wrecking way……almost numbing. And most times I’ve had to hold back my tears in an effort to be strong for them. In other occasions, I’ve just broken down with them because it was too much to hold back. And even while at it, I couldn’t help but wonder if their source of their pain felt anything about it.

They are just there crying….and I’m right there beside them weeping even harder. Then they pause….look at me…and laugh. Because to them it is hilarious. Then I ask myself why I was crying so hard…. I laugh. Now we are both laughing. We look like confused twins wearing hats.

Photo credit bigstock.com

Okay this laughter is heading nowhere. So I’m not going to write about crying and laughing anymore. hhmmm

I’d make an evangelistic preacher where not making someone’s pain your source of joy is concerned…..I’m a sucker for it for real!

But truth is it takes a deliberate effort to decide that you will not base your joy on the breaking of someone else. Before doing anything or saying something we should clearly sieve it through our motives and acknowledge that when tables turn we might as well end up on the other side of it.

The golden book cuts across clearly when it teaches that those who live by the sword die by it.

Karma is also a not so far fetched reality. It’s as real as the oxygen that we breathe yet when you flip the coin it so veraciously corrodes metal into what English men call rust.

I may never control the things that I do or the things that I say that may cause pain to those who come across it, but I can surely control not hurting people intentionally.

And also, I will not let my life be limited to people’s feelings, but my motives will be free from hurting folks.

I may not like you……but I will surely not intentionally hurt you.

And when I hurt you, I’ll most definitely not stand there lifeless….like that bench…that bench, nkt!

I wouldn’t want My Beautiful Twins to sit on that bench….I refuse!

My Pregnancy Journey just began...

I am heavy!

Photo credit www.bellanaija.com

Being pregnant with twins is the best feeling ever….to check into the hospital and to have the doctor affirm that what you are carrying is not just a blessing of a child, but that of two.

I am rubbing my tummy interchangeably as I type this piece.

Working towards getting a child, realizing that you successfully got one, and rearing the thought of finally becoming a parent….to have a being look up to you in not only more ways than one, but in all ways one could think of….these are priceless moments.

Photo credit Musa DK

And so because I’m finding it hard to capture this moment for you……mainly because I am not yet heavy with twins, but heavy with a multitude of thoughts, I choose to draw back to the basics of the writing of this piece.

This heaviness though!

This heaviness is like that of twins carefully sucking life through the placenta of a mother who readily gives….readily gives….readily gives to the children that are now her own.

And I readily give to my multitude of thoughts….

…

It has been a whole year ever since I successfully put down a piece of writing.

In the past year I could barely go beyond two paragraphs when I began typing….whether on a bus home…..at the back of a taxi seat….or as I strolled along the serene paths that my green homeland Kericho presents.

Pause: Let’s talk about Kericho. 

Photo credit Musa DK

Whoever has been to my motherland can swear that this is a place to behold! The carpet of green tea, and if you’re lucky you’ll find sight of the purple tea lawning (this word does not exist in the English dictionary) the land where it lies. Oh my motherland!

Sigh, Kericho, you deserve a place in heaven…very close to the Mercy Seat.

Back to the heaviness….my multitude of thoughts that drive me to labor…you my reader would imagine that I’m out to list down a million and one of them here. A thought at a time, I will.

However….with each piece of writing that will come forth henceforth, you’ll behold of my twins.

There is this tranquility that comes with knowing that you are where you want to be at that present moment in life. I have not written much in the recent past, but I acknowledge that I’m in God’s perfect timing of doing something magnificent with the multitude of thoughts He has conceived in me.

Photo credit Musa DK

It is almost deafening to imagine that the life one lives is a wasted output of what others throw at you…..but a sweet victory to acknowledge that whilst many have failed to conquer the sand thrust in the grave as your soul is condemned to an utter standstill, you are here stepping on it and rising above it….rising to the very ground that allows the condemner and the condemned to fight on the same battle field.

Not being able to do what you love doing can have such effects. Where you feel as though your validity and relevance is going six feet under, but the beauty of it is in refusing to let it die. In refusing to let the candle burn out.

So whatever it is that you do without being asked to….that thing(s) that drives you to achieve milestones without the nag of a deadline….that one thing that you are convinced is the reason for your heart to beat…..that one person that you know you can’t live without….GO FOR IT!

Cheers to greater reads and interactions with you my dear readers. Let’s make it happen!

I have a confession to make....20 confessions actually

Fetched from newdurhamchapel.org

If there is sin your life confess that
you are the righteousness of God.

If there is lack in your life confess that
your Father in heaven owns cattle on a thousand hills.

If there is pain in your life confess that
by His stripes you are healed.

If you are broken hearted confess that
God is close to the broken hearted.

In your loneliness confess that
the Holy Spirit is the Great comforter.

In the face of your enemies confess that
God has given you authority to step on all snakes and scorpions.

When battling with offense confess
the commandment of loving one another as we love ourselves.

If there is predicament in your life confess that
that which pleases God shall take delight in your heart.

In sadness confess that
you shall rejoice in the Lord always.

When forsaken confess that
He will never leave you or forsake you.

When friends fail you confess that
Jesus is the friend that sticks closer than a brother.

When you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel confess that
we walk not by sight but by faith.

If you are worried confess that
your business is to seek first His kingdom and its righteousness and the rest shall be added unto you.

If there is a storm in your life confess your
confidence in what the Lord has said about you.

In condemnation confess that
the Lord has forgiven and will never count your sins against you.

As you figure out an identity for yourself, above all else confess that
you are an heir of God, a coheir with Christ.

When there is temptation in your life confess that
no temptation is too great for you no to overcome.

If you do not understand the occurrence of the events in your life confess that
it does not depend on man’s effort, but in God’s mercy.

When there is delay in your life confess the promise that
His Word upon your life will not return to Him empty.

If there is trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or danger or swords confess that
you are more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus.

Fetched from womenonthefense.com

Romans 8:28-30

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.

Shift focus from the problem to the problem solver: Christ, to uncover the blessing behind every problem. In Him and through Him make these confessions.