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| Photo credits E.M |
This world is unkind
to the daughter of a failed husband and an absent father. Unkind
because it is the likes of such that suffer from low self esteem. It
is this kind that fall for men who are just like their fathers
because a part of them desires that a man like her father would do
better by her.
We are the kind of
girls that are hard to love because insecurity haunts as close as a
shadow.
We are afraid of
silence because when our fathers were silent it meant that mum would
be in her room crying and we would be indulging in some 'stuff' to
divert our attention.
It gives us chills
when a man, without even asking, wants us to prove ourselves, because
we forget our worth and are inclined to live in pretense just so that
we can be accepted.
To us achievements
are a big deal because it is not only accorded on our portfolio but
it goes a long way, maybe a mile longer than the normal girl, to
reassure us of our value.
When you love a girl
whose been broken by her father, you take the responsibility of not
only loving her but signing a covenant to continuously reassure her
of her beauty, her worth and her ability to thrive.
When you take her in
as a friend you sign yourself up to boring and unending insecurity
tales and self loath.
When the daughter of
a failed husband and an absent father loves you she is relentless.
She clings and threads on you because she sees you as all she's got.
And because we love too hard we break twice as much.
She wants to hear
from you daily. She aches for your compliments, your company is her
gulp of water in a dry land. She desires all of you and gives all
she's got because she figures that this opportunity may never trace
it's way back.
This kind of child
suffers from personality extremes of either being the loudest or the
most quiet in a room because her father's absence is the voice
clogging her system. Have you ever been called out by silence? It's
like a demon's voice as you run home on a lone stretch…..deafening!
Our kind at times
gets compensated by clatter of money and spoils but that doesn't cut
across. There's this other lot that is not quite bred into moving
from one end of CBD to the other in a kawaida taxi….or dining at
the kawaida KFC….or swimming at the Hilton rooftop….or lounging
at Wet Lounge. We are not
even used to simple gifts from a man who is not
in the 'friend-zone'..y'all know men in this zone never tire with
gifts...hehe
And
so when such gestures are extended to us they are a whole lot of a
great deal. Hell we even get attached to the gestures and forget to
reason critically as to whether or not we should give you our time.
Then
there are those of us who go on a sex spree thinking that it's the
libido that answers all our life's questions.
In
life we are the kind who may
feed from a rich man's bread crumbs because our worth is never fully
reassured…..or settle for a degrading status because no matter how
well achieved we
are, we
still don't see ourselves
as enough.
All
that mentioned, there's still
a revolution of us being
groomed. A
modification of those who are
learning to rise; and we are doing it gracefully.
We
are learning to live for the small things because we've
not been brought up to miss
the details of a life's journey.
We
are showing love in little acts of kindness and receiving it with
cautious openness because we know how vulnerable we can be.
We
are learning to first reason with our minds then sync it with our
emotions; because no matter how gullible we
can get, one must love with
the heart, at least once. Loving not with the heart, is not
living at all.
We
have learnt to find our place in the ecosystem, to serve our purpose
in the chain and to thrive in our passions.
We
are learning to recognize what gives us fulfillment
and what doesn't, just so that we can be happy in living out our
joys.
What
we do, we do it thoroughly because it's the only way life has been
served to us.
We
are rising...in confidence we are growing...and in happiness we are
blooming!
We
are out here giving hope, sharing testimonies, and even writing our
stories over office lunch hours.
We
are speaking out so that a father may read this and do better by
their
wives and children, and so that a daughter may read this and know
that she's never alone.
judycngeno@gmail.com is my email. Share your story :)
