About Long Distance Relationships

It begins with all bubbles.

Love messages

At that point one almost believes that all heaven was created for you.

I got drunk once and in that moment the world seemed like the heaven the pastor preached about the Sunday before: this is how a moment in love feels.

It’s all glamour until you have to escort your other human to the airport till next time.

The wahalas of a long distance relationship are a pain none can fathom.

Made worse by whether or not there’s a large water mass separating you because that only means that the time difference will strain the relationship further.

On some days you talk for a whole stretched 18 hours and on other days the conversation only stretches as far as ‘Good mornings’.

Life thrives with so much activity but it’s never ultimately fulfilling because your other human is not there to capture that memory with you.

And therefore you keep on with life……making plans, building a future around each other, updating each other on all the activities, moods, joys, pains, the sense, the nonsense, all the family drama, all the Davids and Delilahs that hover around like evil spirits out to devour the good children of God...hehe

Months pass….you try to visit each other’s families, attend each other's family events, because above and beyond the fact they are now part of your enlarging family, you also desire to feel the presence of your other human through them. Because somehow you can talk about your other human’s childhood, likes, dislikes, with people who have loved this other human before you even knew them.

Their friends visit the country and you know that deep down you want to meet them more than they want to meet you because through them, this other human feels closer.

You imagine that since they both were breathing the same air….that somehow there was an exchange of oxygen and carbon dioxide and that through the inhalation and exhalation a part of your other human was transported to you….(this shows a lot of desperation….lol)

Months pass, and your anniversary comes, you celebrate it with a phone call…maybe a Skype call.

Birthdays come, and you enjoy it but imagine how different it would have been if your other human was here to leap through this new year with you.

Anyway, what I am trying to say with many words is that long distance relationships can suck the marrow out of your bones…yet; they are the true test of love, trust and commitment. Though where there is love then trust and commitment should be engulfed in it.

I miss you my other human :) 

Musa, Judy, Omi at For You Chinese Restaurant on Valley Arcade, Nairobi  (Photo credits: MDK) 

Mama...

There are some people who make our lives so beautiful

Those that allow us the beauty of a smile, of comfort, and of joy unbound

There are those that despite the tides that blow our way still give us that silent reason to smile

There are those that hold us dear and even in the worst of situations we’d still want to keep them close

I imagine the above is what our mothers think of us.

That when they pray for us and our wayward, sinful natures, they only see the angel in us.

I’m yet to conceive and deliver a child, but for a good reason God is surrounding me with expectant and young mothers.

They come my way in strange ways.

Others scared because they didn’t expect a child so soon…others excited because against all odds they’ll get to experience the joy of motherhood.

It is a beautiful feeling, I imagine

To have a child kick in you, to have a young one born from your being.

It must be beautiful to experience the joy of motherhood.

My beloved mama 

I’m blessed to have a mother, to have a woman who has known me from conception to this very minute. Do we ever stop to think about how miraculous that is?

She’s held me at my best and at my worst.

When papa couldn’t clear my fees she’s the one that showed up at the finance office to ask for an allowance of time, that I may stay in school, as she does something about the situation.

When papa couldn’t understand my tears as I cramped every month, mama understood, she ensured I put something in my mouth even if I threw up every bit out.

When papa had to be away on ‘official duties’ mama acted like we too didn’t know why he was leaving, she was strong for us..

When papa broke her heart mama still stayed home because she wanted the men who’d come to ask for her daughters hand in marriage to find an intact family.

She loved so deeply, that on the day the man I loved the most broke my heart she allowed me to tell her a decent lie that I’m leaving for the prayer mountain to pray for the family but in real sense I was going to seek answers from God on why pain had to be so painful.

It is mothers that stand with us….mothers that know us…mothers that grow us.

Mama gave, she lacked so that her family had.

Mama stayed home alone, as we slowly moved on with our lives.

Now she calls us every day to remind us that she still cares.

There exists a group of mothers that are not mothers to their young ones; we forgive them.

There as well exists a group of mothers that have left us before their time; may their souls find rest.

There is a group of mothers who didn’t have to bear children to take up the role, by choice or circumstance they are now mothers; we celebrate them.

And then there are those who heaven has called into motherhood and to them nothing really matters most; we love them.

I know that as you read this you can picture that mother you’d like to celebrate. Dedicate this post to her and let her know that you’d appreciate her in a million ways but none would describe your gratitude best.

I dedicate this post to my mama, sisters (Janet Ngeno Minah Nasimiyu Wabuke) and to a best friend, a soon to be mother, I had lunch with today after being away from each other for about 7years. You give us all the reasons to celebrate motherhood.

Benches.....THEY ALL AIN'T LOYAL!

I’m just here to talk about my issue with benches. So if you don’t have a particular issue with benches gerarahiaaaa meeennn!!!! We are not friends....hehe

Photo credit photobucket.com 

I hit the side of the bench and I swear I almost screamed my appendix out as the pain infringed my sanctity.

Is this bench insane?? Yes it is insane….it has to be

Doesn’t it know that a woman is entitled to a perfectly good evening especially after spending a rough afternoon at the beauty parlor getting that pedicure for the first time in Lord knows how long?

Photo credit PinInterest

I don’t want this bench alive. And so if it was an insect I would have smashed it dead.

But it just lie there lifeless….emotionless…..in a most annoying manner.

So I pushed it aside….then I thought, it probably feels nothing.

Then I imagined what song would best suit it just in case it was alive and I killed it….probably Delilah’s version of “If I die young”

If I die young, burry me in sudden!

That song would just end right there, on that line, because the ‘bury me in sudden’ would be the only go ahead I would need.

Sigh…..that bench!

Long story short, I just left it there and consoled myself with the thought that lifelessness is enough of a curse for it. There’s nothing I could do to worsen its situation.

And that is how it is sometimes when we hurt people.

We at times feel nothing…we are just there like emotionless beings…feeling nothing….doing nothing…..in an almost annoying manner to those that we hurt.

They’d want us to feel something, anything, even if it’s joy so that they would know they can turn that joy into sadness….but we don’t feel nothing. Everyone needs at least something that they can start with you know.

I know countless of us who know how to put down the best lyrics when in hurt…..the best poems…the best scripts….and even the best vibes…the best updates and tweets...the best Insta pics....but it’s only the likes of Adele who can hit an “Hello” when they reflect on a past that would have been better.

But really though, how is one meant to feel when you are fully aware that your source of joy is someone else’s source of pain?

What is the much that you can do when you know that there isn’t much that you can do to ease the other person’s pain?

You know their pain, yet there isn’t room in your heart to accommodate it because all you have room for is your source of joy.

I’ve listened to a couple of friends share their pain. In a most heart wrecking way……almost numbing. And most times I’ve had to hold back my tears in an effort to be strong for them. In other occasions, I’ve just broken down with them because it was too much to hold back. And even while at it, I couldn’t help but wonder if their source of their pain felt anything about it.

They are just there crying….and I’m right there beside them weeping even harder. Then they pause….look at me…and laugh. Because to them it is hilarious. Then I ask myself why I was crying so hard…. I laugh. Now we are both laughing. We look like confused twins wearing hats.

Photo credit bigstock.com

Okay this laughter is heading nowhere. So I’m not going to write about crying and laughing anymore. hhmmm

I’d make an evangelistic preacher where not making someone’s pain your source of joy is concerned…..I’m a sucker for it for real!

But truth is it takes a deliberate effort to decide that you will not base your joy on the breaking of someone else. Before doing anything or saying something we should clearly sieve it through our motives and acknowledge that when tables turn we might as well end up on the other side of it.

The golden book cuts across clearly when it teaches that those who live by the sword die by it.

Karma is also a not so far fetched reality. It’s as real as the oxygen that we breathe yet when you flip the coin it so veraciously corrodes metal into what English men call rust.

I may never control the things that I do or the things that I say that may cause pain to those who come across it, but I can surely control not hurting people intentionally.

And also, I will not let my life be limited to people’s feelings, but my motives will be free from hurting folks.

I may not like you……but I will surely not intentionally hurt you.

And when I hurt you, I’ll most definitely not stand there lifeless….like that bench…that bench, nkt!

I wouldn’t want My Beautiful Twins to sit on that bench….I refuse!

My Pregnancy Journey just began...

I am heavy!

Photo credit www.bellanaija.com

Being pregnant with twins is the best feeling ever….to check into the hospital and to have the doctor affirm that what you are carrying is not just a blessing of a child, but that of two.

I am rubbing my tummy interchangeably as I type this piece.

Working towards getting a child, realizing that you successfully got one, and rearing the thought of finally becoming a parent….to have a being look up to you in not only more ways than one, but in all ways one could think of….these are priceless moments.

Photo credit Musa DK

And so because I’m finding it hard to capture this moment for you……mainly because I am not yet heavy with twins, but heavy with a multitude of thoughts, I choose to draw back to the basics of the writing of this piece.

This heaviness though!

This heaviness is like that of twins carefully sucking life through the placenta of a mother who readily gives….readily gives….readily gives to the children that are now her own.

And I readily give to my multitude of thoughts….

…

It has been a whole year ever since I successfully put down a piece of writing.

In the past year I could barely go beyond two paragraphs when I began typing….whether on a bus home…..at the back of a taxi seat….or as I strolled along the serene paths that my green homeland Kericho presents.

Pause: Let’s talk about Kericho. 

Photo credit Musa DK

Whoever has been to my motherland can swear that this is a place to behold! The carpet of green tea, and if you’re lucky you’ll find sight of the purple tea lawning (this word does not exist in the English dictionary) the land where it lies. Oh my motherland!

Sigh, Kericho, you deserve a place in heaven…very close to the Mercy Seat.

Back to the heaviness….my multitude of thoughts that drive me to labor…you my reader would imagine that I’m out to list down a million and one of them here. A thought at a time, I will.

However….with each piece of writing that will come forth henceforth, you’ll behold of my twins.

There is this tranquility that comes with knowing that you are where you want to be at that present moment in life. I have not written much in the recent past, but I acknowledge that I’m in God’s perfect timing of doing something magnificent with the multitude of thoughts He has conceived in me.

Photo credit Musa DK

It is almost deafening to imagine that the life one lives is a wasted output of what others throw at you…..but a sweet victory to acknowledge that whilst many have failed to conquer the sand thrust in the grave as your soul is condemned to an utter standstill, you are here stepping on it and rising above it….rising to the very ground that allows the condemner and the condemned to fight on the same battle field.

Not being able to do what you love doing can have such effects. Where you feel as though your validity and relevance is going six feet under, but the beauty of it is in refusing to let it die. In refusing to let the candle burn out.

So whatever it is that you do without being asked to….that thing(s) that drives you to achieve milestones without the nag of a deadline….that one thing that you are convinced is the reason for your heart to beat…..that one person that you know you can’t live without….GO FOR IT!

Cheers to greater reads and interactions with you my dear readers. Let’s make it happen!

I have a confession to make....20 confessions actually

Fetched from newdurhamchapel.org

If there is sin your life confess that
you are the righteousness of God.

If there is lack in your life confess that
your Father in heaven owns cattle on a thousand hills.

If there is pain in your life confess that
by His stripes you are healed.

If you are broken hearted confess that
God is close to the broken hearted.

In your loneliness confess that
the Holy Spirit is the Great comforter.

In the face of your enemies confess that
God has given you authority to step on all snakes and scorpions.

When battling with offense confess
the commandment of loving one another as we love ourselves.

If there is predicament in your life confess that
that which pleases God shall take delight in your heart.

In sadness confess that
you shall rejoice in the Lord always.

When forsaken confess that
He will never leave you or forsake you.

When friends fail you confess that
Jesus is the friend that sticks closer than a brother.

When you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel confess that
we walk not by sight but by faith.

If you are worried confess that
your business is to seek first His kingdom and its righteousness and the rest shall be added unto you.

If there is a storm in your life confess your
confidence in what the Lord has said about you.

In condemnation confess that
the Lord has forgiven and will never count your sins against you.

As you figure out an identity for yourself, above all else confess that
you are an heir of God, a coheir with Christ.

When there is temptation in your life confess that
no temptation is too great for you no to overcome.

If you do not understand the occurrence of the events in your life confess that
it does not depend on man’s effort, but in God’s mercy.

When there is delay in your life confess the promise that
His Word upon your life will not return to Him empty.

If there is trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or danger or swords confess that
you are more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus.

Fetched from womenonthefense.com

Romans 8:28-30

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose.

Shift focus from the problem to the problem solver: Christ, to uncover the blessing behind every problem. In Him and through Him make these confessions. 

I'm still thinking of a title....

It’s that time of the year where everyone goes up and about celebrating Christmas when in real sense some are missing out on the sweet fragrance of a gift that was given to us on a manger: Jesus.

I am a woman who has lived in this sweet fragrance and I so well understand why it had to be a manger.

That aside...

This year, to me, cannot be said to be the most astounding, it cannot be said to be the worst I could have. It cannot even be called a normal year when describing it with extremes is not an option.

This is the year that I have seen the reflection of my character and integrity as I looked into the waters of life. I somehow did not like the reflection because I was and maybe still am petrified, maybe perturbed, maybe proud by what I see all at the same time.

Photo courtesy of Wapidi

I have seen my joys restored just to be robbed again.

I have gained innocence just to lose it again.

I have made friends just to find out that they are not any different from those whose chapters I should have closed whiles ago.

I have made mistakes.

I have lost track as I pressed towards the mark.

I have curled up in my bed and wished that there was someone, someone to cuddle me through the night knowing too well that I still don’t have that ring on my finger.

You see the reading of this piece might make you imagine that this is an intention to do an exposé of my imperfection…..not at all…

I may not classify this year with the titles that many may have in mind because words only seem to meet the reality of my year halfway.

Photo courtesy of desingsold.com

Though I must admit that this year has been a blessing in the most profound ways.

I have known joy in 2014.

I have known peace in 2014.

I have known love in 2014.

I have known forgiveness in 2014.

I have known faith in 2014.

Many prayed and still praying for full packages of restoration but, in 2014, I have basked in double portions of it ever since The day I stopped being super woman

Photo courtesy of Wapidi

I don’t write this to impress the guy in the crowd looking for an eligible proverbial wife.

I don’t write this to appease those who believe their interest must be earned.

Neither do I write this to place myself among the list of bloggers in 2014.

I write this to remind myself and anyone else who has known 2014, anyone who has lived to see this day, this auspicious day that we get to celebrate life, that we NO LONGER hope to live to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Because with each day that has been allocated to us His unfailing grace, we have lived in this goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

(Psalms 27:13)

This is not a platform to show off expertise or the lack of it…..if you are reading this then it's a sign that there’s a reason to give thanks for seasons that have been and there are even more reasons to look forward to a life that proclaims “BE IT UNTO ME ACCORDING TO YOUR WORD AND WILL OH LORD”.

Photo courtesy of QuotesFrenzy.com

And now as I get back to the point I was trying to drive home initially, Christmas is here, and so am I. Let’s celebrate Christ's birthday in the best way we know how, all for His glory!

Photo courtesy of hubpages.com 

Hehe....ok maybe you shouldn't take 'happiness for a month' seriously.... :) 

Psss.....Laugh as much as you breath and love as long as you live! Get involved with service opportunities and offer what you can to a greater cause. 

(I'm happy I wrote this)

Blissfully walk into the grave

Talk is cheap!

It is our actions that eventually create the cannon of our integrity and credibility before man; our motives before God.

(photo by Caroline Mugure)
As a favorite motivational speaker  Les Brown once said,

“The graveyard is the richest place on earth, because it is here that you will find all the hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled, the books that were never written, the songs that were never sung, the inventions that were never shared, the cures that were never discovered, all because someone was too afraid to take that first step, keep with the problem, or determined to carry our their dream.”

Ideas that were confessed!

Promises that were made!

Sweet nothings, or somethings, that were used to lure a woman to bed and a man to the bank.

False hopes created by politicians when they wanted the votes won over.

Sermons by preachers!

Instructions by elders!

Business deals on paper!

All these were made in either the haste of the moment or in the calculation of time just to achieve a desired goal that was intended for the "long-term good". But for as long as these words did not meet the reality of actions then off to the grave they crept six feet under.

Let’s talk about the great names we still celebrate. I dare mention Maya Angelou since the sting of her death is still very fresh on me. President Barack Obama issued a statement about Angelou, calling her "a brilliant writer, a fierce friend, and a truly phenomenal woman." Angelou "had the ability to remind us that we are all God's children; that we all have something to offer," he wrote.(Fetched from http://www.biography.com/people/maya-angelou-9185388#personal-life&awesm=~oGdMVLq9GaTG0Z)

Her name lives beyond the grave because her actions met the sensitivity of her words. That somehow sweet realization. Because in some way, oil and water mixed to bring about the greatness that which not even history can help but let it transcend through generations. It is unusual in a way that is very impressive, simply phenomenal.

It is not intelligent to talk about our level of trust in God yet to fail to trust the convictions He has placed in our hearts. Take action!

It is not intelligent at all to speak so highly of the love you are willing to offer your beloved woman when obeying God is still an issue. Take action!

Matter of fact the deepest sense of lack in intelligence is making a public declaration of how you are willing to submit to your husband when submitting to God is still an issue. Take action!

If you know your worth as the legitimate child of God you’d know it is not intelligent to speak of the past as being better because now more than ever you are informed of what the future holds for you. Take action!

There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1) so, get me right, this is no condemnation post.

We are all a work in progress here, and we have somehow come this far because of God’s grace that continues to be sufficient for us. Just as the sun sets and at its dawn gives rise to the joy of the morning, we can be sure that we will regularly fall and rise along the shores of life, by fault or circumstance. But through the rhythms of grace we find the voice to give thanks in all circumstances.

We all desire to make sense of our dreams and convictions someday. To somehow break away from the mind and paper into a sweet reality. To actually take a last breath with the satisfaction that can allow us to blissfully walk into the grave because we are empty of that which God deposited in us. Having fulfilled our purpose in the days of breath.

But then again, if tomorrow never comes, let’s make today count by taking steps closer to our dreams and celebrating the undeniable fact as a legitimate child of God, that He still loves us the same.

And as I pay my respect to a woman I regard with deep, often rapturous love, here is ‘Still I Rise’ by Maya Angelou:

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may tread me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise. 

Take action, rise again!

Cheers, Binti Cheptoo.